Watch that First Night. It's a Big One.

Spring fever. Gone.

Winter. Back.

I feel like hibernating all over again.

************

My mind is a bit fuzzy... sleep deprivation will do that to you.

Working nights is hard on the body, but there's no doubt that the first night back is the hardest. I know some who nap before coming in that first night, but my body just won't do it. I try to sleep in for a couple of hours the morning before because that seems to help a bit, but there's nothing quite like being up all day and then expected to function on a highly-skilled nursing level all night as well. To those patients who are sad to see me go, anxious that the next nurse will be a different personality, I am quick to point out, "I am a waste of space after 7:00am... you really wouldn't want me here!" My brain clocks out before my hands can fumble through the motion of swiping my tag.

A few night-shift survival mechanisms that have helped me to make it through:

1. Sleep when you can on your days off... your body will thank you! Sometimes it's hard to switch back and get to bed at a reasonable hour when you're coming off a string of nights, but it makes a difference in the long run.

2. Get regular exercise on your days off... being in good shape is a huge boost, your energy level will be higher all the time.

3. Bring something to munch on in the car on the way home. That drive can be a killer. Literally. For some reason, having something in my mouth keeps my eyelids open.

4. Don't rely too much on caffeine. I've done it both ways, and my body seems to regulate between sleep and awake much more efficiently without. Can't seem to give up that one last cup of coffee... but I've lived on as many as 8-10 cups a day. Say it with me, "Mod-er-a-tion."

5. It's ok to use a sleep aid once in a while, and for some of us, a little Tylenol PM or Benadryl will do the trick. If you're an Ambien advocate, so be it. Just try not to get hooked! And be aware that you may feel a little groggy when waking. It's never been bad for me, and sometimes what I really need is the good, solid (vs. restless, dream-filled) sleep provided with a little medicinal assistance.

6. I'm all about the old-fashioned ear plugs and room-darkening shades. Some people can't stand the feeling of the plugs in their ears, but with boisterous children in the house, I find they're invaluable. And a dark room is awesome, almost tricks your body into believing it IS night-time (key word, almost).

7. Give it time. Eventually you'll get used to those bags under your eyes, and the dull throbbing at the base of your skull. People will stop asking if you're ok, because now it's just the way you look. It's alright... you're a night-shifter... and night people RULE!

Or at least we like to think so, in our delirious, sleeping-while-sitting-up state.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Burning, Burning

Here I am, after taking some of my fellow bloggers' fabulous advice, straight off the treadmill, riding high on workout endorphins (and not a little lactic acid!)... burn out? Me??? Never!

Well, okay. I'm trying.

This nursing thing is a roller coaster. A lot like life in general. Good days, bad days. I try not to carry too much of it with me, but apparently am not completely successful in this endeavor. The work dreams are not a rarity. They happen almost every weekend, and occasionally during the week. I'm hoping they're just my mind's way of decompressing.

On the one hand, nursing is a great career. Talk about job stability. They're practically beating down our doors to offer jobs to qualified nurses! I'll always have multiple avenues of practice available if I become unsatisfied with the work that I do now. And I still look forward to most of my shifts, have a sense of camaraderie with my coworkers, enjoy the way my schedule works with my life (most of the time), and am forever in awe of the breathtaking moments my job allows me to witness.

But there are other moments, too. Anyone who has read my blog before can attest to the heavy amount of skepticism I hold for the hospital establishment and the system in general. Paperwork and charting are significantly overvalued in a legalistic atmosphere that reeks of the fear of liability and malpractice. Night shift is great, but my body does not always agree... I've become accustomed to a certain amount of fatigue and fuzziness that never really goes away. And on... and on...

So what, you say?

Nothin' really... these were just a few of my thoughts while burning calories and trying not to burn out.

An Outstanding Nurse... and Registered-Nurse-to-Be

Due to a severe case of Major Lack of Inspiration as of late, I've been completely MIA. I'm still here... and hope to be back in full force one of these days. The spring thaw will come.

******

In the meantime, I'm honored to present the first non-blogger entry for the Nursing Jobs educational scholarships, totalling $5,000 and to be awarded March 31. Get your entries posted by March 19!

When Shane sent this essay out, offering to let one of us post it to our blog, I was immediately drawn to Sarah's story of courage and affirmation. It would seem that she has been "called" to the right profession. What an incredible nurse! Check it out:

Why I Chose Nursing

by Sarah, LPN

Approximately 6 years ago, I was living in Raleigh, NC. I had a job in the mortgage industry, a "wonderful" husband, a beautiful home, two great kids, and thought I had it all. However, as it sometimes happens, the rug was pulled out from under my high-heeled shoes. My "wonderful" husband decided he wasn’t through dating other women and so we divorced. It was left up to me to provide for myself and my two children. Though I was making a 6-figure-a-year salary, I was quickly beginning to see that it isn’t always about the money. The stress of trying to take care of my children and make a living was catching up fast.

So, I turned to my high-school dream of becoming a nurse. It was a dream that I had pushed to the back of my mind when I decided to marry and start a family. But I could not pursue my goal, work, and take care of my children alone. So, I reluctantly left the city and returned to my childhood home in Arkansas - and to my family. My parents were such a great help in my pursuit of my RN. However, after 2 years of school, I realized that there was no way my children and I could continue without income. So I decided to take 11 months, get my LPN, and work until my children could graduate from high school. And that’s what I did.

I have always dreamed of being a nurse and now that I am, I realize even more that this is what I was born to do. I chose to work in the geriatric field because I feel a connection with the elderly and a need to protect the weak. I am in constant search of ways to make my residents feel useful and wanted. I can’t begin to describe the wonderful feeling of joy I receive from my job. Though my salary will never be as it once was, there truly is not enough money in the world to replace the feeling of satisfaction I receive in my work. I became a nurse because I want to make a difference. Now that I am an LPN, I want to continue my education and become an RN. I feel that as an RN I will have a greater effect on LPNs and other nurses. There’s a saying "give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day- teach him to fish and he’ll never be hungry". I feel that this can be applied to my current situation. As an LPN, I can touch the lives of my residents only. As an RN, I can influence the LPNs who will touch so many more.

At times I can’t understand why any caring person would not pursue nursing. Then, at other times I see nurses that make me question why they would consider nursing. I feel that nursing is a profession that each person should be "called" to do. Being a nurse is not what you do – it’s what you ARE. And I can proudly say, I am a Nurse.

******

Good luck to you, Sarah. It's obvious that you'll succeed in whatever path you choose.

N

How Will Nurse Blogging Change You?

Since embarking on this nurse blog journey, I've noticed several changes in myself, both practical and philosophical. Perhaps these are changes that would have occurred in the natural evolution of my nursing career... I'll never know.

I am increasingly aware of issues about which I would never have given a second thought, and I have started to apply what I'm learning at the bedside. I've also found myself becoming more lucid and verbal in work-related situations which I previously would probably have either ignored or gone with the status quo. Lately, I look at nursing issues (and sometimes life as a whole) from a new and wider perspective.

Take some time blog-hopping, described here by the Curmudgeon. Or simply read through a few of the links on my sidebar. You'll see what I mean.

I have to conclude that reading up on the opinions and experiences of the other medical bloggers out there, and responding or at least pondering a response, has changed me. Perhaps not always for the better. I have to admit I've been caught up from time to time, mindlessly lurking from one blog to the next, soaking up useless and sometimes utterly personal information from the multitude of blogs available.

However, if I peruse with a purpose (wink), sometimes I am struck with inspiration. To change my practice, adjust my attitude, or be called to action. All of which, I find, are stretching my limits and my yearning for growth and knowledge anew.

At times, I am also discouraged by what I read. I must confess that I am humbled by the bloggers whom I admire, those who write both prolifically and eloquently on a level to which I aspire. But if I stay silent until I measure up, this blog will lay dormant forever. It is those I seek to emulate who make me both afraid to click the "Publish" button and compelled to do so.

Speaking of my heroes, you can read Kim's ideas for beginning nurse bloggers here. See what I mean? Witty, comprehensive, insightful? Check, check, and check.

I'd love to hear how blogging has changed YOU... for better or worse. After all, this dialogue is what blogging is all about.

Or something.

Get. A. Clue.

As per usual after my third night in a row, I'm feeling a little punch drunk and slap happy this morning. (Consider this fair warning that the following post should be read with a VERY sarcastic tone of voice... if you're in the habit of reading posts out loud, that is.)

To all potential patients who choose to shoot up, snort, smoke or drink substances that are a) not legal and/or b) not really recommended during pregnancy (or the rest of your life for that matter):

No matter how dumb or tired your OB triage nurse looks, she is not dumb enough to believe the following really convenient lies that you are about to tell.

-- your UDS tested positive for marijuana because your sister-in-law smokes pot in your house

-- your UDS tested positive for cocaine because you were with a bunch of friends that were smoking crack

Girlfriend, get a clue. And get some new friends.

---------------------------------------------------

Well, you get the idea. Enough sarcasm.

It's been a weekend full of weirdness and busyness... both the good and the bad. Absolutely exhausting, but very fulfilling. I don't know about everyone else that I worked with, but I hope that they walked out of the building this morning with a tired smile and a sense of accomplishment, as I did.

Is there any other profession in which the juxtaposition of such wildly different emotions and realities is so striking every time you come to work? To feel so helpless in the face of unknowns and uncertainties, yet so full of hope for a smooth labor, a good outcome. Sometimes I feel the fear creep up on me... there are SO many things that can (and sometimes will) go wrong. How can we possibly make it through?

Yet we always do. We are never alone. There is always another willing set of hands, another discerning eye, another reassuring word.

Sigh.

I am a Nurse in Real Life... And You?

As I gorged myself on primetime TV tonight, a novel idea occurred.

What is the big deal with the way that nurses are portrayed on television? Get over it.

Granted, most of us are probably already over it (or were never under it), but seriously. The Center for Nursing Advocacy has an interesting and aggressive take on the issue. My question is, why does there need to be an issue? The Center's website riles against popular medical dramas, like Grey's Anatomy and ER, for grossly misrepresenting the role that real nurses play in real life.

Therein lies the thing. TV is not real life.

I enjoyed the shows I watched tonight... for their entertainment value. For the laughs and the tears. TV is a form of entertainment. Real life, it is not.

I watched a pair of TV "cops" conducting an investigation; their laughable interrogation of a suspect, highly contrived police conversations are completely stereotypical, but that's okay because... it's TV.

I watched a newly pregnant TV character, whose doctor told her at 12 weeks that he may be able to determine the sex of the baby on ultrasound. Uh-huh... NOT. Except on TV. She then proceeded to stuff her face with every morsel of food in sight for the rest of the episode. Kind of annoying portrayal of a fairly inaccurate pregnancy stereotype. Oh, well... it's TV.

And so.... hmmm. While I admire the Center's noble attempts to "increase public understanding of nursing", I'm over it. I'm comfortable with what and who I am, no matter how it may perceived by the public or portrayed in the media. And you?

Give Thanks

It's a day to reflect on all that we are thankful for.

I am thankful for the calling to a noble profession dedicated to helping people.
I am thankful for the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of families every time I go to work.
I am thankful for the tremendous moment of birth when the ultimate outcome is truly out of our hands, that blink of an eye in which a tiny life begins... and is both completely dependent yet must breath and suck and pump blood all on its own.
I am thankful for the technology and advances in medicine that allow us to help sick moms and babes.
I am thankful that most deliveries require no such technology.
I am thankful for the team of dedicated nurses and other staff members with whom I work, the people who make work more than bearable, the ones who fill it with laughter, smiles and enjoyment.
I am thankful for the instances when there is no laughter or joy, when life is at its rawest and most real.
I am thankful that I can return to the loving, understanding arms of my family and a warm, inviting home.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Why do we do what we do?

Do you ever feel like a glorified waitress?
I sometimes ponder why we put up with all the baloney. (I'm being diplomatic and politically correct here, in an attempt not to offend those who don't yet know me well enough. Please substitute the actual term I'd like to use in place of "baloney"... use your imagination.)

And does the baloney outweigh the reward?

Would it make a difference if it did?

Men and women enter nursing careers with astoundingly different perspectives and motivations. Certainly, there are enough different nursing fields and forms of practice to satisfy our diverse expectations, but why do we so often "stick it out" in challenging and mediocre work environments?

Honestly, I don't have a global answer for that one and would not presume to venture a guess.

More about the baloney later, I'm sure, but here are a few of the reasons I continue to show up for my shifts (occasionally with bells on):

1. I have to admit, it feeds my family.

2. Most of my co-workers are admirable (if often inexperienced... yes, I do work nights), and we've worked together through those nights from hell, laughed at each others' nutty 5am slap-happy stories, smiled and cried with each other over the joys and tragedies in our personal lives, and managed to keep the unit from completely falling apart at any point to date.

3. The sense of pride and accomplishment when new nurses look to me for help and mentorship... then over time transform into "experienced" nurses themselves.

4. There's nothing quite like the adrenaline rush of a scary or fast delivery. There are those of you who know, it is indescribable.

5. The absolutely unforgettable moments I've spent with close friends who've asked me to be present at the birth of their children, which brings me to perhaps the overwhelming reason I stay:

6. (pause while I sit here and struggle to begin...) I'm having difficulty putting this one into words, but I want to convey my understanding and acceptance of the fact that what I do (help bring babies into the world) is utterly miraculous. I am present at those moments in a family's life that bring both the most anticipated and the most unexpected joy. I also stand by as families experience the most heartbreaking and unspeakable grief. To witness these pivotal moments is both a privelege and a burden, but is definitely one of the most influential factors in my faithful return to the unit, week after week, year after year.

I'll close on that note. There are perhaps innumerable other reasons to "stick it out". Sometimes, it feels as though they are not enough.

A Start

I'll never claim to be an expert with my finger on the pulse of nursing issues. With the time I might find to devote to this blog, I can't possibly hope to be as well-informed and widely read as many of those whose blogs I have witnessed. This blog will be primarily for self-expression, exploration and amusement. A place for the rational and not-so-rational sides of me to meet. Congregate. Who knows what might happen? I enjoy perusing the other nursing and medical blogs and would like to think that I might have a unique perspective to offer. Any comments are welcome. I look forward to the communication and fear only that my little corner of the blogosphere will be undeserving of the readers who may venture here. Oops, little too much honesty and melodrama there for a minute. (deep breath) Salad tongs, anyone?