You Don't Say.

We all have work lingo... in the health care field, the jargon can be particularly mind-boggling. On L&D alone, we drop acronyms all day, from PPROM, SROM, AROM... PTL, PUPPS... to IUGR, PIH, GDM and HELLP... from EFM, FHTs, LTV, IUPC, and FSE..... to SOL, PDI, ROP, LOA, and RC/S... along with Michelle Murray's brilliant and oft' repeated TFTF (too fat to fit!).

But it's the other phrases that fascinate me... the ones you won't find in any medical terminology text book, but which need no explanation among L&D staff.

A few examples that come to mind:

"They're wheeling her up from ER 'cause she's one-cheekin' it down there."
(Patient can't sit straight on the wheelchair. She's probably already pushing, so lets get a room ready for delivery.)

"She's got a positive wet wheelchair test so we're bypassing triage."
(We can be sure that her water broke because she's wet all the way through her pants and onto the wheelchair.)

"I think she's gonna need a little vitamin P."
(Her labor sucks, and it's time for some pitocin augmentation.)

"She's gonna need a zipper."
(She'll need a C-section.)

"She ended up delivering the vaginal bypass route."
(She had a C-section.)

"Can someone bring a glass of orange juice in for ______?"
(_____ is about to pass out... probably mid-epidural placement... and needs a little sugar boost.)

"Call the clinic doc to stand by."
(The patient's physician probably isn't going to make it in time for delivery, so get an attending nearby, just in case.)

Last, but certainly not least, the always-adrenalin-inducing:

"I need another set of hands in here!"
(Something's going down the tubes fast so somebody get your ass in here!... without completely freaking out the patient or FOB.)

Occasionally, this one is followed by:

"Tell them to open the OR!"
(self-explanatory.)